If You Waited Until Now to Do Christmas Shopping, You're Screwed

Sometimes I use the internet--like, every other day, maybe once a week, or nearly constantly. Therefore, I get emails from assorted retailers and see advertisements. To my amusement, on this day of December 23rd, 2017 with Christmas Eve falling on a Sunday (limiting mail/Fedex/etc. options), I see ads declaring how, "It's not too late to buy the perfect gift!" I spot this and respond, "Really?" I mean seriously, if someone has waited until today to buy or ship-out all their presents they are just procrastinating to a level bordering on self-harm. The news is calling this, "Super Saturday," and I'm just calling bullshit.

Hanukkah has passed already so anyone still shopping for that is more than a week late. Kwanzaa starts the 26th so if you mailed something today with super-expensive shipping it might arrive just in time. Christmas though, you're just royally fucked-over. Feel free to run to the store and find they are sold-out of all the hot toys and gifts, or maybe see if you can ring-up Santa at the North Pole and beg him to pick-up that gift you forgot to ship a week ago and see if it can drop it off while doing his deliveries. Try anything you can, but know that you screwed up.

I know not everyone shops for their holiday gifts well in advance, and that's okay. I'm not making fun of people who happened to forget one simple thing and are running-out to grab it; the folk who wait until Mid-December to get gifts due to funds being tight or their schedules being absurdly busy are a-okay with me too. I'm mocking the people who woke up this morning and realized they had never bothered to buy more than half the stuff they intended to and now are feverishly checking their local Facebook Marketplace/Offerup/Letgo in the hopes someone will sell them a Fingerling for less than a 5X mark-up even if that means meeting behind the Waffle House a couple counties over at 5AM, because that doesn't sound sketchy.

Anyways, I hope everyone reading this can just relax and enjoy Christmas Eve tomorrow and Christmas on Monday without having to engage in an absurd amount of hectic last-minute shopping. Worst comes to worst, just print-out a picture of what you bought online today and honestly explain the delivery will be delayed till a bit after Christmas; odds are whomever you're buying for already expects you to have waited till it was too late if this is the kind of thing you regularly do.